40 Things You'd Like to Say Out Loud at Work
# I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit. # I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. # How about never? Is never good for you? # I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. # I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way. # I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. # I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message. # I don't work here. I'm a consultant. # It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying. # Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again. # I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid. # You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. # I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn. # I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. # I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. # Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. # The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. # Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. # What am I? Flypaper for freaks!? # I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. # It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. # Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. # And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...? # Do I look like a people person? # This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. # I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left. # Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. # If I throw a stick, will you leave? # Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. # Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. # I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. # A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. # Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1? # Too many freaks, not enough circuses. # Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? # Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done. # How do I set a laser printer to stun? # I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary. # Who lit the fuse on your tampon? # Oh I get it... like humour... but different
# I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit. # I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. # How about never? Is never good for you? # I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. # I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way. # I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. # I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message. # I don't work here. I'm a consultant. # It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying. # Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again. # I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid. # You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. # I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn. # I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. # I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. # Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. # The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. # Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. # What am I? Flypaper for freaks!? # I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. # It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. # Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. # And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...? # Do I look like a people person? # This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. # I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left. # Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. # If I throw a stick, will you leave? # Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. # Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. # I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. # A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. # Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1? # Too many freaks, not enough circuses. # Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? # Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done. # How do I set a laser printer to stun? # I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary. # Who lit the fuse on your tampon? # Oh I get it... like humour... but different